It's been quite a while since I have connected with my blog - many things have changed in my life and I suppose the best way to "catch up" is to write about those changes.
One of the most monumental changes has been our wedding. Steve and I were married, finally, on August 6, 2011 at the Kalamazoo Air Zoo. The days leading up to our wedding were definitely muddled and stressful. Certain people tried their best to make this special time for us a stressful, muddled mess. However, despite a massive stress migraine during the rehearsal dinner, Saturday, August 6, 2011 turned out to be a magical day. We decided to have pictures taken before the ceremony in order to have as much time to enjoy the ceremony and our guests as possible after the wedding. There were definitely some huge hiccups throughout the day, but none of those really mattered to Steve and I.
The first day of our honeymoon at Mackinaw Island, we sat together and talked about how surreal the ceremony was to both of us. It was the most awesome and yet strange experience we have both had in our lives. If you have ever seen a picture of a ballet dancer in motion, completing pirouettes across the floor with dancers moving around her, you might have a slight indication of how we felt.
From my perspective, as my bridesmaids were walking down the aisle, I was standing with my Dad talking about how we would make sure to make one another laugh while we were walking down the aisle to keep from crying. As soon as Joshua Radin's "They Bring Me to You" began to play, the only other person that existed in that room was Steve. Listening to this song continues to bring me to joyful tears because I think it is perfection of mine and Steve's relationship to this point, yet, on that day, it only made me smile. If someone could have taken a picture of my heart, it would have been swollen and grinning with happiness. I felt my Dad's hand enveloping mine as we walked, I saw people's faces smiling at me, but they were all like floating heads or balloons - it was very strange. I saw Steve waiting for me at the front and while the walk was short I felt like it was slow motion. The ceremony itself was beautiful and again, while I saw glimpses of our family and friends surrounding us, it really felt like Steve and I were the only two people present - the rest were playing on a movie screen in the background or something. As we read our vows to one another, I could see Steve's best man and best friend, Craig, grinning at me, and if I was nervous it would have put me at ease, but I felt so calm and at peace and right standing up there with Steve. Now granted the microphone chose a very opportune time to scream at me during my vows and apparently several people thought I was "with child" because I told Steve how excited I was to see the father he would be to our future children, but those moments added to the beautiful memories of the day.
Our DJ must have smoked something pretty good that day and somehow managed to begin our first dance with MJ's "The Way You Make Me Feel" as opposed to Ben Fold's "The Luckiest" but once we got the right song we both knew WE were the LUCKIEST =) We barely touched our food because we were in awe of the day and completely excited to finally be celebrating us. Despite our DJ trying to put everyone to sleep with elevator music during dinner and also announcing that "BrieAnna is now DATING her Dad" instead of dancing, Joe Cocker's "Days Like This" was a perfect reflection of my Dad and I - we were happy, talking and laughing as we were dancing to a song that reminded me of my Dad's heart.
I wanted to be sure to preserve some of the most precious memories of this wonderful day, so thanks for letting me share. To those of you that love and support us together, THANK YOU for being there to celebrate such a wonderful day with us!
Showing posts with label journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label journey. Show all posts
Monday, October 17, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Remembering my heart strings
It has been so long since I have felt comfortable in my own skin that I know this journey is going to be a long re-connecting with my true self process. I was trying to think back to the last point in my life where I liked my self physically and felt confident in my abilities emotionally. I do not remember. That makes me really sad. I can't quite think about when I started to be so down on myself and quick to point out my physical flaws but I have noticed my increasing negativity. I am envious of those that are physically beautiful yet lack intrinsic motivation to better myself. Depression at it's best I suppose. I am surprised that people even want to be around me still. I am grateful that my friends and family haven't given up on me and love me enough to continue to trudge through this mud with me. Lately this mud has really felt like quicksand that I can't get a hand out of to reach solid ground. Even if I could reach solid ground, I think that my grasp to hold on would be so weak at this time I would just slip back into the quicksand. My ability to focus on anything has dwindled to mere minutes and my patience and understanding has probably gone out the door with it. I need to change, I need to feel better and thus I have started this journey.
In beginning this new journey of healing I began to think that in order to reconnect with my writing I probably also need to re-connect with the things (the heartstrings) that defined and fulfilled my life. I thought about how I would go about doing this and I guess to start I am going to free write a list of things I used to enjoy and perhaps begin to write about one thing at a time from there on out. Who knows if it will be of comfort to me but if nothing else, the triggering of memories may motivate me to move forward on this journey instead of sitting on the sidelines watching the movies of everyone else's lives pass me by.
When I close my eyes and contemplate the things I enjoyed in life, so many images, sounds, touches and smells come flooding back into my memory.
*The very first thing I think of is ballet - the touch of the satin on my pointe shoes, the noise of the dance studio and the feeling that I belonged. For almost 13 years of my life - the studio was the one place where I felt like I had friends and people liked me because I was Brie.
*The summer time in St. Claire Shores. The smell of fresh cut grass after the morning dew has dried by the sun. The bike rides with Dad to the pier at Blossom Heath - stopping off for a New York Seltzer (do they make those anymore?) and a bag of chips. Fishing off the pier. Listening to the small waves lap against the pier pillars.
*The days spent at the library with Mom and Jade. Checking out 80 books every two weeks and reading until our eyelids closed on us at night.
Writing - all the time - any way I could about anything that came to mind.
Camping - spending days immersed in the natural beauty of our planet.
Laughing - I mean really laughing - finding something humorous and laughing so hard I am brought to tears and my belly hurts and my face aches from smiling too much.
Rollerblading
Swimming
Playing Soccer
Ice Skating
Making things - crafts and gifts for people. Creating.
Naming pets
Hugs and snuggling
Game nights and evenings in
Red wine
Naps on a rainy afternoon
I believe this list will be a web of ever flowing memories that I will add to and write about throughout this process.
Cheers to the journey of making sense of my own mind and the paths I have chosen to travel in the past several years....Trudging through the mud off the beaten path in my best attempt to create my own new and beautiful path.
In beginning this new journey of healing I began to think that in order to reconnect with my writing I probably also need to re-connect with the things (the heartstrings) that defined and fulfilled my life. I thought about how I would go about doing this and I guess to start I am going to free write a list of things I used to enjoy and perhaps begin to write about one thing at a time from there on out. Who knows if it will be of comfort to me but if nothing else, the triggering of memories may motivate me to move forward on this journey instead of sitting on the sidelines watching the movies of everyone else's lives pass me by.
When I close my eyes and contemplate the things I enjoyed in life, so many images, sounds, touches and smells come flooding back into my memory.
*The very first thing I think of is ballet - the touch of the satin on my pointe shoes, the noise of the dance studio and the feeling that I belonged. For almost 13 years of my life - the studio was the one place where I felt like I had friends and people liked me because I was Brie.
*The summer time in St. Claire Shores. The smell of fresh cut grass after the morning dew has dried by the sun. The bike rides with Dad to the pier at Blossom Heath - stopping off for a New York Seltzer (do they make those anymore?) and a bag of chips. Fishing off the pier. Listening to the small waves lap against the pier pillars.
*The days spent at the library with Mom and Jade. Checking out 80 books every two weeks and reading until our eyelids closed on us at night.
Writing - all the time - any way I could about anything that came to mind.
Camping - spending days immersed in the natural beauty of our planet.
Laughing - I mean really laughing - finding something humorous and laughing so hard I am brought to tears and my belly hurts and my face aches from smiling too much.
Rollerblading
Swimming
Playing Soccer
Ice Skating
Making things - crafts and gifts for people. Creating.
Naming pets
Hugs and snuggling
Game nights and evenings in
Red wine
Naps on a rainy afternoon
I believe this list will be a web of ever flowing memories that I will add to and write about throughout this process.
Cheers to the journey of making sense of my own mind and the paths I have chosen to travel in the past several years....Trudging through the mud off the beaten path in my best attempt to create my own new and beautiful path.
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